I was walking across a bridge...

 
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off.

So I ran over and said ‘Stop! don’t do it!’

‘Why shouldn’t I?’ he said.

I said, ‘Well, there’s so much to live for!’

He said, ‘Like what?’

I said, ‘Well… are you religious or atheist?’

He said, ‘Religious.’

I said, ‘Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?’

'Christian.’

I said, ‘Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?’

‘Protestant.’

I said, ‘Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?’

'Baptist!’

I said, ‘Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?’

He said, ‘Baptist Church of God!’

I said, ‘Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?’

He said, ‘Reformed Baptist Church of God!’

I said, ‘Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?’

He said, ‘Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915.’

I said, ‘DIE, HERETIC SCUM!' and pushed him off.

—Emo Philips